Friday, August 31, 2007

I am not Amused

At last....a day when I feel pretty well, have no agenda, and have to stay home to sign for a medication delivery. No excuses...I have time, I have every conceivable supply, and no outside distractions. I SHOULD paint! (but notice, I'm blogging instead)

Had you noticed in my little bio on the side bar, I am/was a professional artist? I have completed only a couple of commissioned works in the last 5 years. A few of them were a struggle. I have not completed a painting on my own that I have been happy with since my fine motor skills and my ability to recognize certain colors and contrasts deserted me.

My "mission" has been to "get with it". Then guilt sets in.....I slept, I couldn't sit at desk too long, I'm tired, I'm hurting, or I'm seriously medicated (and not in a good way)

Could be fear. I have always been an artist....It has been part of my identity. I want to reclaim that part of my life! I keep wanting to turn out work comparable to what I did previously. Then I get discouraged.

I know I can do it. I have to allow myself to find my new style. I need to quit trying to do tight realistic renderings. I need to THROW PAINT!!! And I need to commit to showing up a little each day to do it.

I googled "muse". (How do you think the ancient Greeks and Romans got in touch with them without Google?) There's one for dance, one for bucolic poetry, astronomy, 9 in all....none for the painter or sculpter??? Geeesh...have to find something or someone else to call on to amuse me.

Found this quote: The painter Chuck Close put it very boldly: “Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up.”

Well, I'm not an amateur. I'm a pro with a little demyelinating disease. I INTEND to show up. I may even make a commitment to show up daily! Ohhhh scary...every other day? We'll see. I'm going to TRY.

So fellow blogsters, if you don't see a post for a few days, you will know I quit thinking and talking about it, and hopefully am actually DOING it. I'm not expecting museum quality, or any quality...I just need to get my brushes dirty and see what happens.


Merelyme said...

Oh this is very exciting! Have fun with this...don't put any pressure on yourself to perform or to be good. Just do!


**sheepishly tapping keyboard to avoid being seen**

Many apologies for not commenting here sooner...been reading, just lacking the insight to comment! And it's not like I have deep insight now either, but typing is easier goes...

Never been an "artist" myself unless you count stick figures. But I DO/HAVE dabbled in writing in the past. Maya Angelou once talked about her "practice" of writing something every day...even if it was that her brain and hand would never lose its connection. Sounds a lot like what YOU are talking about...reconnecting with the part of you who IS a professional artist. In the words of PopEye, "I Yam what I yam"...well, you yam!

Linda D. in Shameful Seattle

harkoo said...

I will keep my fingers crossed for you hoping you will be able to get your creativity flowing.

Bubbie said...

Thank you all, it is a process. I'll keep you informed of any substancial progress.

Bubbie said...

Thank you all, it is a process. I'll keep you informed of any substancial progress.