Monday, August 27, 2007

A Matter of Perspective

My little Granddaughter was a bit younger here, not by too much. They grow so fast. She was a tiny baby, but not THAT tiny. The picture was taken at a children's science museum and that's a really big chair.

I usually have a point to illustrate with my pics, and this was a tough one.

Last year this time, my ex neurologist told me as I was leaving his office, dragging my right foot behind me on the way to front office, "You are doing fine. You're stable."

This was after explaining my dismay about my relatively new and bothersome symptoms that have been added to my ever growing Things-to-Contend-with List.

I growled something to the effect of, "You're speaking clinically! This is subjective! I am the subject.This sucks!"

I must have looked at him with THAT LOOK. You know the one that says my brain is overflowing with really vicious vocabulary and I wish I had something heavy to hurl at your groin.

He kept a safe distance while replying, "It's a matter of Perspective".

I was really upset. I paid my bill and let all those vicious words out as soon as I reached my car.

His words at that moment upset me more than anything.

(By the way, this is not why he's my ex neuro. I liked and respected the man very much.)

Come home, still fuming. Bubbie's Hubby asks, "What did Spock say?" (his manner has been previously defined as more Vulcan than Bones)

"I'm fine. Stable in fact. Just freakin GREAT!", I answer in a tone that tells him it's best not to ask anymore.

It works for about 20 minutes. He asks again. This time I exploded. The jest of it was: I'm fine, freaking fine. Despite the fact that I can't feel anything. Everything is either numb or on fire. I'm exhausted. My eyes are weird. I drag one leg around that feels like it weighs a freakin' ton, and I have a box of medical supplies in the bathroom that remind me every freakin time I have to pee that I have freakin MS. I'm stable! (obviously not emotionally, so cautiously, physical space is given)

Life went on. In the next few days and weeks, those words really bothered me. "Matter of perspective" hit a nerve. (no MS pun intended) I was really angry. I thought about it a lot. It took some time to realize that I was not mad at him, (Spock) and that it really was A Matter of Perspective. And, that's something that I often have to remind myself of.


mdmhvonpa said...

Well, I suppose he is correct. Of course, it's hard to tell if someone is a corpse of just sleeping while breathing very shallow.

Only the corpse know's he is dead, and he ain't saying!