Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Fear and Loathing *part one

In response to Ms.Cheese, the Buddha-Bubbie has fears of her own. Let's face it, MS is a disease that even on your best of days, it's always the back of your mind...WHAT'S NEXT?
(By the way..Love seeing those words in print Ms.Cheese. May have to send a link to my kids.LOL)

Ms. Joan expressed the same sentiments this week in her blog.

Ok life is full of uncertainty. We know that. The sky could fall, global warming could make my house beach front property, the economy could crash and we could put another Republican in the White House. (Ohhhh Gawd) The list goes on. It's enough to make you want that's too violent, I won't go there . LOL

But living with Multiple Sclerosis has it's own brand of uncertainty. Some live years with what they call benign MS. No symptoms to speak of...a little tingling here, a migraine there, and then nothing again for years. I probably would have fit that category had they diagnosed me 20 years ago. Some people get diagnosed when the symptoms were too tough to ignore and jump right into RR or PRR or PP MS.

But it doesn't matter where you are on the scale, once you have heard the news that you have Multiple Sclerosis you subjectively KNOW the future possibilities, inevitability's and prospects.

Hope hinges on new research in pharmaceuticals, or in prayer or denial.

All the while that "fear" is not so deep under the surface. What if? How will I? What will I? Which I usually follow with Oh Shit, damn, and other expletives. And then I usually move into a special kind of self loathing. I abhor whiners! And I'm whining....(somebody slap me!)

So I agree with Ms.Cheese. Realising and naming the fears we face is important in taming and dealing with them. If you are moving through your everyday routine, disguising and denying you have MS,(while everyone is telling you how great you look) and then suddenly (Like a wet kiss at the end of a hot fist) you get jack-slapped with a relapse that blasts the hell out of that denial mask you were wearing, you are going to fall....


I have been there, and most likely will be there again.
In Fear and Loathing *part deux, I promise to rant somemore. For now, I look marvelous in my denial mask.


MsShad said...

It took me a good 6 years to get past that mode. Now, it's filed in the back of the drawer most of the time.


Mkay! Causing me to pee my pants before NOON constitutes a new disorder!!?!! Wait...that's only if I DRINK before noon...never mind. I am truly LMAO over here in rainy town. But, DO say it so well.

Linda D. in Seattle

Bubbie said...

Peeing pants before noon may indeed be a new disorder. NDUD or Non Di-Urinal Disorder...tends to strike middle age women who read too many blogs. We could write the commercial for the new medication.

Bubbie said...

Your secret please......
6 years without fear and loathing?
I give to you a Zen-tastic Award.
I'll make quilts if that's what I need, but I draw the line at Nascar. LOL
thanks for stopping by!

mdmhvonpa said...

Fear is the mind-killer ... but then again, so is ms, eh?