Monday, December 3, 2007

Some Days You Just Wanna Puke


Curious isn't it? A culture that made a ceremony out of purging? This is from National Geographic.
This vessel found in NW Hondouras is believed to have been used by the Mayan to drink an herbal concoction that induced vomiting and therefore facilitated communing with dead ancestors.
Although I have never communed with my dead ancestor's as the result of puking my brains out, I have on occaision communed with someone or things "out there" before I reached critical mass and puked. At that point and for some time after, you don't want to talk to the dead, you are wishing you could join them quicky to end the earthly misery you have self inflicted.
Well those days are long gone for the Bubbie, but I still feel the need to purge. Not the physical things in my surroundings like in Spring Cleaning, it's the clutter in my head and the toxins I feel building up in my body that are in my scope. Looking at my medicine bag, the one I used as my carry-on for vacation I noticed how incredibly large it was. All drugs and the associated accoutrement's! Pills, syringes, cotton balls, alcohol wipes, catheters...I have become a virtual druggie. I have become dependent on meds, and meds for side effects of the aforementioned meds and so on and so on. Isn't that nuts? Much of my time is spent in counting, reordering, and drugstore runs.
So..do I feel better for it? Would I be worse without it?
I don't know, but I have been home 5 days and I have yet to gather my poop in a group. I know...vacations can do that, MS can do that, but I feel toxic. Something has to go.
Rebiff and I are on our second trial. I don't know why anyone with an educated mind (or half a one for that matter) would think that doing the same thing as before would produce different results is beyond me. It's also beyond me that I went along with it.
I have titrated up to the full 44mcg dose 3 times a week and I have surrendered 3 sleepless nights and 4 days to the side effects.
Sluggish? Mind fog? The idea of detoxing and starting anew is appealing...but where do you go from here? What are our viable choices when interferons don't agree?
I respect those who have chosen the new road on monoclonal antibodies, it just isn't something I feel comfortable in doing. I never felt comfortable with interferon either, but here I am.
I think I wanna puke.

6 comments:

Joan said...

Hi Bubbie! I think I understand what you are saying.
I am currently trying to detox, but it is not as easy as it sounds. First, I tried getting off the anti-fatigue medications, which I have done. But to do that I first I had to quit my job. Second, I tried getting off the sleep medications, which I needed to counteract the fatigue medications. In both cases, when the severe symptoms flare up, I go running to the medicine cabinet to get more drugs.

This is not going to be easy.
--Joan

MsShad said...

The thought of going without my meds ... shudder.

BRAINCHEESE said...

Awww...my Bubbie. Such tough choices. I believe we all "know" on some level what is working or not for us...what is "better" (maybe not best, but better). And I support you no matter WHAT you choose to do!

(how's that for a generic response?!?)

Linda D. in Seattle

mdmhvonpa said...

I do not recall trying to talk to my ancestors ... but I do a lot of begging to God.

Have myelin? said...

As soon as I saw your post I started laughing so hard I thought I'd bust a gut and end up dead and you'd never know I died because of you! LOL!!! My mom and I were talking about this very topic... which poisons to add and subtract from our daily routines. Which pukers should go, which should stay, which are cost-effective and so forth.

It confounds me. And my pillbox is extra-large but there's no room for the new vitamin D they're about to prescribe since they found a deficiency there.

Now what did our ancestors do? Oh. They died. Young.

Merelyme said...

how long have you been on the rebiff so far? do the docs say how long the side effects last? you are giving this your all so...if it doesn't work out...don't feel bad. what are the other options after rebif?

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