"So Much Time, So Little To Do." ~ Willy Wonka
Did Wonka have MS, or was his concept of time terminally warped from a lifetime overexposure of chocolate and sugar? Maybe having the army of odd little people doing all the factory work for him gave him the odd sense of doing everything and yet nothing.
I have been Wonka-fied. I have chatted on this subject with some of you before. It goes like this:
I used to:_________________________________________________
(fill in the blank with: work full time, raise my kids, drive the baseball team to a gazillion games/practices, make it to recitals, have all of the groceries stocked for every occaision, cook the meals, clean up, work overtime, get by on almost no sleep, look pretty damned good, be at parent-teacher conferences, help with homework, even the hard stuff, make time for friends and party-hearty on occaision)
Now I :___________________________________________________
(can't fill the blank...I, ahhh...ehhh, what???? I dunno, I'm laughing too hard)
I haven't worked in 5 years. 5 years! With 5 years off you would think that I might have had the time to learn a foreign language or two, write the Great American Novel (or at least a novella) or at very least paint my masterpiece.
Instead, after getting out of bed (sometimes a major feat in itself) and making the mandatory pot of coffee, it sometimes takes me an hour or more to shake the fog from my head. Fully awakened from my jolt of caffeine I get showered and dressed only to find my energy level back to pre coffee levels. A short recooperative period is needed before attempting to leash the furry monster so he can drag me around the block.
Back from my drag more coffee is in desperate order. I drink this while staring at the weather map while the news anchor tells me it's going to be hotter than hell.
OMG! It's noon! How did that happen. Hmmm? Noon. Twelve. That means I should stop and eat lunch. Stop what? Did I eat breakfast?
Find some food, make lunch, get distracted while looking through pantry and decide to make something out of the 4 ingredients left in there....flour! I can make homemade ravioli! Maybe a pie crust! Oh no..Martha's back! Make a mess, clean up mess (kind of).
Phone rings..never finished cleaning up. Chat with friends, mess with solicitors. Distractions everywhere. Awwwww...furry monster wants to play. P.U! He needs a bath! Now the kitchen and bathroom are a mess.
He heard the mailman. Walk to the mailbox. Stop and sit outside to read junk mail and notice the flowers need watering. Maybe a little pruning here and there.
What time is it? Shit. What was I going to make for dinner? Do I have to go to the grocery store? Dig in fridge for leftovers that aren't fuzzy.
Honestly, I'm not blaming this ALL on MS. Sure there are days that I give into the fatigue, or headaches. It's all of this TIME! Lack of direction and focus are not all due to cognitive impairments, it's lack of having to be accountable. I have no boss, no deadlines, no monetary incentives even! What good is time managment when you have all the time in the world and nothing that HAS to be done?
On the bright side, I have made a concious decision to make some things a priority. I have been taking classes one day a week and I have been painting. I will admit though, making myself actually devote myself to some structured studio time at home hasn't been without many of the distractions listed above.
What can I say?I'm a work in progress.