Sunday, August 10, 2008

more words...

It's been 7 months since I began painting again.

I had to look back and find the WET PAINT post to see when it actually began. The truth is it actually began with the well sown seeds of caring friends who were obviously tired of hearing me bemoan what I used to be and do, by reminding me that I still am who I've always been. They could see that what I had closed off from myself, bottled up and put on a high shelf, was stifling me. It was a void that cried to be filled, and I had the power to allow it all along. I certainly have the time.
I have to say that I don't believe it's a big co-inky-dink that I have been so asymptomatic through this time. I have been off all DMA's since last December. I use Lyrica and and pain meds as needed. I have had flares of symptoms here and there, possibly from the heat or overexertion, but they didn't get me down long. My MRI's have shown no new confetti. I have been more physically active. I have traveled. I feel like I have regained my sense of self. My attitudes are brighter. My attentions have shifted from the unwanted to the desired.

My palettes are wet, multiple easels are in use, my flowers are blooming and I have been very busy. When the damn of self expression gives way the torrent can be jarring and even unfamiliar.

Recently I've been writing more words. I posted one once before that surprised me as well. I don't know if they qualify as poems or lyrics, but I do recognize them as being self portraits in a sense. More so than a picture of pretty flowers or fruit in a basket. I must be holding back. I think it's time to REALLY let some paint FLY.

I have no title for this : ( probably out of fear of really revealing the entity you know as Bubbie...LOL)

I can never really know you
But I recognize your soul
The bridge between our worlds is damaged
dangerous to cross.
I lose myself on my way to you
A sacrifice unholy.
A prize that leaves me lacking, a meal that weakens
and a discordant song to dance alone.
Both the fool on my shore or your bank
I gaze across the expanse
I grieve to know you built it unknowingly
with all the rotting planks of lies
and words sharpened with razors from your desperate wrist.



As always, I bow to your majestic ways...

Linda D. in Seattle

Anne said...

I can remember you being the first person to welcome me to the MS'ers blogging online.

I can remember you telling me that you used to be a painter and how MS has deprived you of that pleasurable past time.

I can remember us emailing back and forth about how things we used to do sometimes need to be revisited.

I am so glad you are keeping on with the painting. DO NOT STOP!!
You are so gooooood and talented.

If we give up a space for what used to be, regrets have no right to fill that space.

Keep up the great work!

Denver Refashionista said...

I love your poetry along with your art. I also feel the best when I create things. I am not surprised that a change in your attitude also brought on an improvement in your health. The mind/body/spirit connection is amazing.

Merelyme said...

bubbie...this is...exceptional. truly. your spirit just shines through in all that you do. it is an honor to know you.

i have an MS question over on my have always been so good at giving advice...maybe you can shed some light.

Bubbie said...

Thank you all. I appreciate your comments as usual.
I think I found the perfect RX : passion. We all need to find our way back to our passions in life. It makes the journey worth traveling.


Bubbie, passion truly is a wonderful RX. Yours shine through words and vision. Thank you.